Comment on Ultimate Comfort Sandwhich by saarnok

saarnok · 9/1/2026, 9:21:56 PM · permalink

Love fantasy foods. This is far better than most. Pretty sure I can top it... But I don't really feel like it at the moment. Y'know, because: reasons.  
  
How'd you create this ad?  
  
The price is as fantastic as the sandwich itself, which is something I'd love to see Babish create.  
  
I've had fantasy eateries for at least 40 years, but my current fantasy restaurant is "Monster Burgers", featuring "The Monster" which is three, quarter pound patties, two smashed for crust on one side only with the third slow cooked to build three layers of the Monster with up to five cheeses total,  above, below and in-between each patty with each crust seared patty serving as the top and bottom of the Monster while the slow cooked center is infused with butter.  
  
The house topping mix is a Cubanelle, garlic, onion, mushroom aoli with kosher dill relish underneath and a layer of thin ham and bacon between each patty, melted into the cheese.  
  
The bun is of course, another monster. The Nine Grain Frankenstein bun: Heavy and seared to irrational hardness where it meets the moisture of the sandwich by first buttering then grating Parmigiano Reggiano to form an impermeable crust protecting the bun from the juices of the burger.  
  
The burger is served with a miniature sign: Lifeguard Not On Duty; Drowning Hazard  
  
The sides are infinitely variable as long as your choices consist of potatoes fried in lard and tallow with a shake made of maximal milk-fat content dairy. You can substitute "Monster Cola" for the shake... But you have to take twice as much.  
  
Looking at smart phones while in the restaurant is a banning offense, no screens are visible anywhere, and no music newer than "Stray Cats" ever plays.  
  
Come in the morning to get pancakes the size of plates, however many you want to stack, as much sausage, bacon or ham to order along with any number of eggs to order, or 4-44 slices of French Toast with exactly the same options.  
  
No options for gluten free. No options for "low fat". No options for "diet".  
  
Butter is BUTTER. Syrup is actual Maple syrup and the only potential additive is honey, lard, tallow and actual SALT.  
  
All meals come with optional fresh ground and pressed coffee. No "caffeine free" version.  
  
Open 24/7.  
  
Bring cash or go away.

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sacredcow · 9/6/2026, 8:07:26 AM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/6/2026, 11:23:39 PM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/8/2026, 1:30:13 AM · permalink

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sacredcow · 9/8/2026, 11:46:10 AM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/10/2026, 2:53:05 AM · permalink

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sacredcow · 9/10/2026, 11:47:28 AM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/10/2026, 10:44:28 PM · permalink

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sacredcow · 9/8/2026, 11:10:27 PM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/9/2026, 12:20:24 AM · permalink

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sacredcow · 9/9/2026, 11:52:28 AM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/10/2026, 12:58:42 AM · permalink

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seraphima · 9/1/2026, 11:49:34 PM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/6/2026, 12:50:40 AM · permalink

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seraphima · 9/2/2026, 11:58:23 PM · permalink

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saarnok · 9/2/2026, 1:54:19 AM · permalink

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